Choice – the antidote to stress at Christmas time and all year round.

Here we are again, well and truly in the throes of another Christmas time. The streets and superhighways blast the sound of commercialism doing its thing. Shoppers rush from store to store, tills are ringing, and streams of red lights line towns in tail backs all in preparation for Santa Claus coming to town. Thrown in there is the slight echo of a Saviour of the world on the way too, if you listen carefully you can hear it within the festive hymn’s that fill our streets like white noise.

Yes, Christmas is another reason to get stressed in today’s world. I don’t know if it’s just me or is stress more and more present all year round these days?

Anyway, onto my point.

Amid the increase of daily stress levels, I am hearing more and more people default to blame and spend their valuable power of choice not so wisely.

People are blaming people, circumstances, industry, or anything else you can think of for why their life is stressful, a mess, not working, or falling short of where they think they should be.

Here are a few examples:

  1. ‘If I didn’t get stuck behind that truck, I would have been on time.’
  2. ‘If my job paid me more, I wouldn’t be so broke.’
  3. ‘If my partner would only see it my way/do what I say/listen to me, we wouldn’t be in this mess’.
  4. ‘If the industry wasn’t so swamped, I would be busier.’
  5. ‘If housing prices weren’t so extortionate, I could afford to buy a house.’
  6. If that cashier wasn’t so rude, I would still be in good form.’

You get the idea.

But here’s the thing:

The fact that you are reading this suggests that you are old enough to have witnessed that the world will not always be fair. That’s life. It’s a fact and there is no getting away from it.

Does that mean that you have to throw your arms up in hopeless surrender, doomed and dis-empowered by a world that will consistently seem to go against you?

Of course not.

What you are forgetting to remember is that you always have a choice.

You can choose to blame, or you can choose a different response. One that enables you to take your power back, take the wheel of your emotions and get back in the driving seat. But first you must remember that the power to choose is yours.

It is in your mind.

The effect of your choice will immediately take effect in your brain, your central nervous system and your emotional body. That effect can be either one that drives you forward where you grow from your experience. One where you choose to dig deeper and pull out new resources within self, discover yourself at a whole new level and create a new experience, effectively disempowering the power of negative circumstance and feel proud of self for doing so.


You can choose to blame. Blame your spouse, the truck driver, the cashier, the government or whoever. The effect is going to be the same – dis-empowering and disabling your growth and keeping you stuck in a false self-manifested helplessness. Meanwhile you continue to feel shite, angry and upset.

‘But what about accountability, Hilary?’ I am certain that someone somewhere is asking that question, followed by, ‘If a person or a system does something wrong, they should be held accountable.’ You are right and I agree.


Is it enough to sit on that and say to yourself, ‘It is their fault and they should fix this’? When the likelihood is that that’s not going to happen. In fact, you may as well sit waiting for the Sandman to bring you a dream where your fairy god mother hops off Santa’s sleigh and waves her magic wand making everything ok again.

Maybe the ‘wrong doer’ will take accountability, maybe they won’t but meanwhile ask yourself this? Are you holding yourself accountable for your happiness or are you holding someone or something else accountable?

No matter what perspective you see things from the truth is that you are responsible for your happiness. Nothing will ever change that.

I know that when life belts you with lemons from every direction, it’s hard, there is no doubt about it. It’s deflating and it’s wearing. But you have the choice to decide if you are going to stay in the chaotic mess or think differently.

In this unfair life there are going to plenty of times when things happen that will get you down. Some will be greater than others. Save your sadness for the big stuff, the stuff that really matters.

That truck driver was probably on his first run or had something go horribly wrong in the past that causes him to drive with heightened caution. The rude cashier probably just got laid off or had some other very bad news. Let it go.

If the industry is swamped and you’re not as busy as you would like to be, dig deeper ask yourself: What makes me different? Reflect and re-evaluate who you are and what your message is. Build a solid unique sense of self and what you have to give and go from there.

If your relationship is in a horrible place seek ways to communicate with harmony, love, and compassion. Ask what you can do different and focus on that. If it’s not working, leave. If it can work, stay, and work through it.

If you hate your job, look for another one. If you can’t find one, seek help and support to do so – a Career Coach like me can help you get focused, identify what the type of job/career you really want and figure out your next steps to progression.

If you want help or solutions for the other examples above, get in touch and I will send them on.

All of the above examples cause you to take your cognitive power back. Using our power to choose wisely means taking control over how you feel, think and the action you take. Yes, it takes time, but is a much more progressive use of your time than sitting in a dis-empowered space, letting the world control how you feel and where your life goes.

The most important thing to remember is that you always have choice.

You can choose to see things differently and take new action that empowers you or, you can choose to do nothing and tell yourself that it’s everyone else’s fault.

The choice is yours.

One will drive you forward in peace, calm and progression the other will hold you back, give you migraines, heart disease, diabetes, cancer, depression, anxiety, the list goes on (slight exaggeration I know but, over time chronic stress has a lot to answer for.)

The way I see it is that there is a great, vast world out there. It’s filled with opportunities and connections and experiences waiting to be discovered.

The moments that we remember when we look back on our life are never that slow truck driver on a Friday evening or the rude cashier. They are the moments that are filled with love, unity, and connection, where we feel a sense of belonging, excitement, and joy. They are the ones where we achieve levels of self-realization that we never thought possible. But they are also the moments and experiences that we worked for. They don’t just happen. There is always a period of resistance, discomfort, uncertainty, and even hopelessness prior to their arrival.

It’s up to us to pull ourselves out of the mud and push harder, stride on and keep on going, knowing that no matter what, the power and the will is within to create a life that you want to live. I’m not saying that stress or lemons will go away, they just won’t get under your skin.

So, as 2019 leaves and becomes another year to remember and we do our reflections to gain foresight for the new year ahead ask yourself this:

‘What is important to me?’

‘What kind of moments do I want to experience?’

‘What steps do I need to take to create more moment like that?’

While doing so, let your imagination dream big, keep your logical mind in service to those dreams.

Then ask,

‘What are the benefits and rewards from the above answers?’ if they excite you and fill you with the joy of living, you’re onto something great. Fine tune and follow through.

Throughout the stress and the joy of this Christmas Season remember this:

The only thing that really matters is who you are and what you bring to others.

There are people whose hearts light up when you enter a room or when they think your name. Then there are those who light up your heart.

Your presence, your smile and your time are the greatest gifts you can give. The experiences from same are the most rewarding thing beyond anything commercialism will ever have to offer.

You are a gift – Be the gift. That’s the really important stuff. The choice is yours.

To conclude I will leave you with this:

Dream big, love deep and don’t sweat the small stuff.

Merry Christmas & wishing you a world of blessings for 2020.

Hilary Connor.

‘The Evolution Coach’

If you would like to use your power of choice more effectively in 2020 why not contact me about my Coaching Programs, They are all tailor designed to awaken, align and actualize the best version of you.

Coaching with Neuroscience

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