It has been a long time since a wrote a blog post. I have been busy over on my Facebook page sharing tips and insights via posts and videos. This blog is one I felt I had to write, more for myself really, it’s my way of showing up and airing my own view about something that pinched at my heart every time I heard the sounds.
The sounds are that of how some parents scold their kids.
Recently I was on a holiday with my husband and three girls. We spent two wonderful weeks camping in France. In the nature of camping it is very difficult not to overhear neighbouring campers and most of which were families.
Most of the time the air was filled with kids kicking a football back and forth, the younger ones sang songs and nursery rhythms learned in school and shared banter with their siblings. Dads cooked on the BBQ while us mums tried to sit back and enjoy the well-deserved break from cooking but couldn’t help ourselves making use of the time to restore order in our temporary homes.
The picture sounds bliss for your typical 2.4 family.
Until…
One of the kids misbehaved.
Well, Holy Mother of God. Admittedly I consider myself a fairly relaxed parent. I get that my kids are little people and, like most of the parents I know, I treat them as just that – little people with feelings. Their eyes, hearts and minds are wide open, soaking up everything they experience. For us parents the most important thing is that our kids feel loved, happy, and safe, right?
Cutting to the chase, throughout my holiday I witnessed several parents (honestly it was impossible not to overhear) who just didn’t seem to be aware of the previous paragraph. As relaxing as camping sounds, it can be a stressful experience at times and things took a turn for the worse all too often when parents took that stress out on their kids.
For example, one particular mum was stressed and most likely hungry and tired as it was late in the evening and the family was getting ready to go out for dinner.
The kids were most likely feeling the pang of hunger too after a long day in the pool. Add boredom into the mix because mum and dad are getting organised and the kid got restless. The little guy started to jump on beds and walk in and out of the tent with his shoes on.
Mum’s reaction was to scream at the child for complaining of boredom, then again for jumping on the bed and all hell broke loose when he stepped foot inside with his shoes on.
The youngster’s reaction was to scream back at mum, which only raised the temperature of her already boiling blood, screaming how daring he was to be so disrespectful.
It went on and on and on, every day, no let up. I don’t watch soap operas but it reached the point where each time this particular family arrived home (and they weren’t the only ones) I felt like it was time to knock off the non-existent TV because the drum of ‘Eastenders‘ was filling the air.
My point is that my assumption was that I thought every parent knew that kids will not do as we say, in my experience that’s a rare welcome. But they will always, always, always do what we do. If you scream at your kids, they learn that that is how to communicate frustration and they scream too. If you threaten your kids, they learn that that is the way to behave when things are not going their way. But most of all, your voice becomes the voice in their heads, their inner voice and if you tell them that they are bad, nasty, mean, and bold especially when they are expressing themselves, guess what they grow up thinking about self-expression.
Again kids will not do what you say, they will do what you do – they are always watching, even when they are not aware that they are watching and your messages are sinking down deep into their subconscious minds, showing them the way and creating their inner voice. That makes you, their parent their biggest teacher.
Anyway, to air my sense of feeling like I need to take some kind of action I wrote the piece below. Prior to doing so my mind filled with what kind of self-talk patterns will replay on autopilot in the depths of these kids’ minds when they become adults and possibly parents themselves? What kind of experience are they going to have as they journey through life and what ripple effect will they create as a result of their inner voice?
It’s also a suggested way forward and one that I try to stay in awareness of myself in my own life – okay I don’t always get it right and in those times, I have to pull out the accountability and responsibility cards and take action on same. But because it, I feel I’m getting better as time passes.
Here is the piece I wrote:
If you think this world is too harsh, be kind.
If you think this world is too judgmental, be understanding.
If you think this world is too fake, be real.
If you think this world is too selfish, share.
If you think this world is too angry, show compassion.
If you think this world is full of hate, be loving.
If you think this world is too boring, be adventurous.
If you think this world is too challenging, be curious.
If you think this world is too dishonest, speak your truth.
One sure thing about this life is that it is hard. The world will continue to throw shit at you time and time again. That shit can break you; it can even kill you if you lay down, slumped in its stinking sorrow for too long.
Take a stand. Own Your Power and share it. Because just like hate, judgement, and anger ~ kindness, compassion and love are equally contagious.
The world we see is the world we have created. Choose what you want to see and be that and keep on being that. Stand for that.
And never ever forget this;
As big as you think your challenges are, as big as you think you or someone else is, there is a Universal Law greater than any of the smallness. Learn to align with those laws by choosing what you want to see and being that choice and this great Universe and her Laws will respond, naturally.
Namaste 💗
Hilary x
